Space jokes that you can use to offend people.

Is that the cosmic void? Because I'm not getting any readings from your head.

You should make like a space shuttle and retire.

NASA went to the moon. The farthest you've gotten is your fridge.

Your Mother is so fat, NASA uses her as a gravity assist for their probes!

Your Mother is so fat, If rockets ran on fat she could fuel the Apollo program.

You are just like the Vostok rockets. Old and inefficient.

Why don't you apply at SpaceX? They could use some crash test dummies.

Pro-NASA jokes (You can't stay mad at them for too long)

NASA has successfully landed dozens of rovers and landers on mars and loses some of their budget, yet Apple products have trouble locating nearby places and is the richest corporation on the planet.

 NASA landed a man on the moon and had a planned mission to Venus when their budget got cut to make allotments for a failed war. Tell me how fighting a deadly war and losing thousands of lives is better than sending men past the realm that we had traveled and pushing the envelope for space development.

 Instead of developing a new crewed vehicle before the shuttle was decommissioned, budget cuts forced NASA to buy 75 million dollar rides from Russia, who use outdated craft and where our mortal enemy a few years earlier.

 Critics claim that NASA spends too much money. NASA landed something the size of a car on another planet and still cut enough corners to keep the mission cheap.

 David Scott dropped a hammer and feather on the moon to demonstrate Galilean principles. The Army drops Hundreds of thousands of dollars to kill a single insurgents.

 NASA Employed 400,000 people to put a man on the moon. If Call of Duty gave 1% of its players to NASA they would have more than triple the amount required for lunar landing. What has our Nation come to?

 One day we will visit the rovers on mars. They will ask us why we took so long. We will reply Funding And Politics.

 Because I have to, NASA in reverse is an agency that had no orbital capabilities, then confined themselves to LEO, then landed a man on the moon. Also they stole a bunch of probes and rovers from space.

Neil Degrasse Tyson

The Space Joke

An Open Letter to Neil Degrasse Tyson, the space joke:
      You are an astrophysicist. Elon musk is an entrepreneur and visionary. Bas Lansdorp is also a visionary. These people think and know they can put people on mars. They are engineers and financiers.  Why Stop them.
      Let me quote you.
                "It's not possible. Space is dangerous. It's expensive. There are unquantified risks," Neil deGrasse Tyson tells us. "Combine all of those under one umbrella; you cannot establish a free market capitalization of that enterprise."

    He pointed out that the first Europeans to reach the New World were not the Dutch East India Trading Company. “It was governments funding government missions,” he explained.

“Columbus drew the maps, established where the trade winds were,” he said. “Where are the hostiles? Where are the friendlies? Is there food there? Can you breathe the air? They come back with this information. Then, you can establish a capital market valuation.”.

        To address your first point, yes it is true that space poses many risks. But, by eliminating the return mission, you make the journey inherently safer. Also, many people died colonizing the new world. In your logic, people will probably die in the colonization of mars too.

       On you second point, governments have already done the exploring. Except, instead of humans, NASA sent robots. Also, the government simply cannot explore mars with people. They have to bring them back and they also must deal with all of the political pressure to do the mission a certain way or get supplies through a certain contractor. 

      To sum up my opinions, You are an astrophysicist who figure out how stars work. These people believe they can do it and will do it, as long as you keep your government-centric ideals out of their way. The path to space has been explored by governments. While the governments started the exploration of the new world, Kentucky was explored by the private industry.

    Thank you for your time,

     pretentiousspacejokes.blogspot.com

Not really Pretentious Space Jokes

I am a rocket, you are a launchpad. I will bathe you in fire than leave you forever.

Is that the cosmic void, or just your brain.

Whats the difference between NASA and Red Bull?
Red Bull has a functioning space program

The SLS is a good idea. Until you realize that soon, SpaceX will have something that can do a bit less for much cheaper. Earlier.

Why does SpaceX call their capsule the Dragon?
Because its smoking the competition.

The Orion?
More like the Oh, right.

MarsOne has a bad name because in the race to mars, nobody likes the sound of "MarsOne Won"
Its too repetitive

Is there a MarsTwo?

Space Exploration: The use of a controlled explosion to reach an environment where the tiniest problem will kill you. Sign Me Up!

Boeing. Such a fitting name as they're Bow-ing to the competition.

Dream chaser? More Like Future Bringer.

How many NASA types does it take two change a light bulb?
Well, first you need ground control to tell engineering what went wrong, then they need to figure out why it went wrong, then accounting to see if it is more cost effective to send a new light bulb or use an existing one, then an astronaut to go EVA to make sure the problem is internal, than the on board engineer  to change the light bulb. Then you realize it isn't a light bulb, but a Specialized 20 Watt Electronic Photon Emitting Implement. Fragile, keep safe.

Pretentious Jokes

Me: So will you watch the Mars Landings?
You: Maybe. Will you?
Me: Of course, I wouldn't want to mess up the landing sequence.

Me: When people first walk on mars, will you watch?
You: Definitely. Will you?
Me: Of course, I wouldn't want to fall off the ladder and mess up the most important moment in history

You: Who do you think will step on the moon next?
Me: Me

You: What do you think the first words from Mars will be?
Me: I don't know, Something deep and then this is ( Insert Your Name Here) Signing off